Self-Esteem

WISHING YOU FELT BETTER

Every day is a struggle. You never feel good enough. You’re always comparing yourself and there’s always someone or something better. You’re not easy to love. You don’t deserve it. This is the soundtrack in your head.

People treat you poorly and you either blame yourself or wonder what you did to attract these kinds of people. It has been bad relationship after bad relationship. You’ve been passed over for that promotion. You try to make friends but it seems that it’s often a one sided relationship. You feel used and taken advantage of by others.

Tired.

You just want to feel better.

You’ve read every book there is. You know the ones- with titles like “You are a _______” “YES! You Deserve It!” “Today is Tomorrow’s Yesterday” and any other ridiculous version of cliché that you could think of. They all tell you to think positively.

You try.

You try so hard, but it just doesn’t happen. It isn’t that easy. You’re stuck.

HIDING BEHIND THE FAÇADE

What’s worse is practically no one knows you’re feeling this way. You’re probably described as having it together.

Your spouse would most likely report that they are mostly happy in the marriage. Your kids and family adore you and look to you for guidance when things go haywire. Your boss would describe you as one of their better workers, or at least not their worst.

You wake up every morning and you put on “the face”: you know the one that tells everyone that things are fine. That you can handle it. That one. That face. You put on the face, muster your energy, and then you go about your day.

THE NEGATIVE MESSAGES JUST KEEP COMING

What isn’t known is your private world: on the outside you’re doing your work and going about your business.

On the inside, it is a party and all of the negative things ever said about you are invited.

You make a small mistake like spilling your coffee and suddenly you’re attacked with thoughts of “Can’t you do anything right? Wow! Look at you making a fool of yourself again!”

Your boss corrects you in a meeting and suddenly you hear “Man, you really did it! Now everyone KNOWS you’re an idiot. You wanted that promotion? Well, you screwed that up now didn’t you?”

You’re overstressed and you yell at your child and are accosted with a symphony of “Well, they’ll tell that to their future therapist. You never should have been a parent! Yelling at a little one like that! You’re a bully just like your parents. I thought you never wanted to be like them…”

The NEGATIVE THOUGHTS never end.

NO ENERGY LEFT TO KEEP FIGHTING THE NEGATIVE MESSAGES IN YOUR HEAD

At the end of a day like that you’re exhausted. Even if you didn’t do anything really physical, the mental and emotional energy you have to conjure up to keep up the façade is draining. You’re oversleeping or at least tired and snippy. You want to connect with your family, your lover, but you don’t have the energy.

The thoughts in your head get in your way. You try to drown them out, but you can’t hear anyone over the noise. You feel alone and you crave connection, you crave peace, but you just can’t.

This will not stop until you pull it out at the roots.

SCARED OF THE GHOSTS IN YOUR CLOSET

It sounds simple enough to “think positively” and move on. However, that’s really just a form of avoidance.

Until you address what is underneath that line of thought and process it, you won’t be rid of it.

The cycle will continue.

The biggest problem with all of this is that it isn’t even your voice!

What you are hearing is the ghost(s) of whoever has hurt you before. They programmed you to believe these things. A victim who believes they aren’t capable is a victim who won’t fight back.

DOES A DIFFERENT SOUNDTRACK EVEN EXIST?

Self-Esteem at its core is how you feel about yourself

It involves how you see yourself, how you talk to yourself, and how you allow others to treat you.

The kicker is that you are not the only one involved in building your self-esteem as you go about your life. Often, with low self-esteem, it comes from abuse or maltreatment in the past. One or more abusive or troublesome incidents can “program you” or brainwash you in a sense.

These past incidents set up the “soundtrack” in your head. This soundtrack consists of thoughts like those mentioned above: that you aren’t good enough, that you’re difficult to love, that you aren’t worthy of good things, that there is nobody you can trust.

If someone states or implies something enough, or if multiple people do, these thoughts and feelings can be taken for fact. They then create your belief system about yourself and the world around you.

Why is this important?

Because it affects every piece of your life.

These beliefs not only effect how you see yourself, but how you interact with the world.

They determine what you will and won’t tolerate from others. It can be a real handicap.

Low self-esteem creates real problems. It’s the source of bad boundaries with others, saying “yes” because you’re afraid to say no, approval seeking behaviors, “settling” in relationships, and even taking on too much.

All of these things lead to a really stressful daily experience. Over time that can lead to symptoms like relationship problems, feeling overwhelmed with life, depression, anxiety, feelings of guilt, grief, or like you deserve bad things, and more. It really is a much bigger problem than it seems on the surface.

TIRED OF FIGHTING THE BATTLE

Knowing what I know about all of this, I imagine that you’re tired. Fighting an internal battle while you’re fighting the external one called life is beyond exhausting. It’s time to stop surviving and start thriving. You DO deserve better.

A NEW BEGINNING

If you’ve read all of the books, have lived all of the bad relationships, and are truly trying to change, you might consider some professional help.

I can help you turn off the soundtrack and demand the life you truly want. You and I can work together.

We can get at the source of this and work through it so that it stops bothering you. We can teach you new tools so that you can handle the difficulties that life throws at you now, or in the future when you have successfully completed therapy.

Today is the beginning of your brighter and happier future.

We can set you up to have the life you want and the life you truly deserve.  



104 Church Lane, Suite 105,
Baltimore, MD 21208

rabinowitzcounseling@verizon.net
(410) 736-8118

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