Pre-Marital Counseling

FALLING IN LOVE

When we’re young we are raised with fairytales: two people meet, fall in love, merge their lives, and live happily ever after.

Then we grow into adults where the reality is that two people come with their own histories, their own emotional injuries and sensitivities, and their own personal histories.

Life hits them hard: bills, arguments, time management problems, work stress, children, in laws, and any number of other stressors.

It’s not enough to love each other.

A healthy relationship needs more.

Merging two people into one life experience is hard!

When you’re making the decision to share your life with another person it’s important to ensure that you’ve done as much as you can to make an informed decision.

Whether you just want a checkup, or you’re addressing issues that have already grown in your relationship, I can help.

It may also be the case that you haven’t decided if such a big next step is right for you.

If you’re evaluating making marriage your next step, I can help with that too!

WHICH COUPLE ARE YOU?

I seem to get two different types of couples that walk through my doors:

The first is the couple who wants to build skills to have a happy marriage and to give themselves a head start. They love each other deeply and have worked hard to get to this point. These couples are close and engaged, they feel that their needs are met, and they may want to address some minor issues.

I also get couples who are trying to decide if they should get married because they see some major red flags and are nervous about making such a big decision as getting married.

These couples love each other too but struggle with appropriate relationship skills.

They want to be close and connected but they just don’t know how. They may even be coming to me to decide if marriage is the right step for them.

For those couples who feel that they are already healthy and just want a head start counseling can be a great way to learn even more skills for a healthy marriage.

Building upon already healthy skills can only offer a greater chance of success. However, even healthy relationships have minor issues that should be worked on. Addressing these issues early keeps them from festering and turning into larger issues.

It’s smart to address them as they come up.

It may also be that one or both of these partners grew up in families with abuse or dysfunctional patterns that they have managed to avoid.

Or perhaps a partner has a history of unhealthy relationships in the past.

The fear of accidentally repeating those patterns is very real, even when you’ve managed to escape that path. Processing these fears and not carrying them forward into the relationship is possible.

DON’T WANT TO MAKE A MISTAKE

For those couples who are already struggling, counseling can be a great way to find new ways to relate and move towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. These couples may not even trust their own decision-making skills. Cheating, broken hearts, abuse- bad decisions have happened before.

How can they trust that It won’t happen again?

They often have already been experiencing conflict.

They don’t know how to express their needs (if they even know them) or how to fight fair.

They want to make it work but are concerned because they’re already struggling. These couples know they love each other but they’re full of fear. They may even know that their patterns are unhealthy.

They can’t get out of the cycle of hurting each other. They desperately want to but they’re stuck.

The life experiences we have prior to meeting our life partners shape who we are both in and out of a relationship. When you’ve experienced hurt before, it leaves a mark.

Those wounds have to be dealt with in order to prevent them from ruining the new relationship too.

Many dysfunctional couples who come to me have grown up in families with abuse or divorce. They fear making the same mistakes as their parents.

Perhaps one or both of you have been attracted to or have attracted unhealthy partners.

All of our past experiences shape our current ones– especially when it comes to relationships.

It can happen that your current partner ends up paying for things that other partners did. This is unfair to both you and your partner.

You can’t bond with ghosts in the room.

Working through these past hurts can give your current relationship the fresh start it deserves.

Making sure that you are heard in your relationship, are supported, and that your needs are met is critical in navigating life as a couple.

If you can’t be vulnerable and open your heart, you can’t truly let another person in.

You have to feel safe.

You have to be able to communicate and to trust that your partner has your best interests at heart.

The best way to do this is to deeply know yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

GROWING TOGETHER

My sincerest hope is that you leave my office a stronger, more secure couple with the skills to healthily navigate life together.

I want to help you grow into that couple that gracefully manages stress, meets each other’s needs, and can fight fair when things go south for a moment.

We work together to help you as a couple understand yourselves individually and how you work as a couple.

I help you learn new skills and tools for handling stress together and as individuals.

We explore patterns of relating and attaching and how they affect the way you interact with each other and function in a relationship.  

It is my goal that you end up understanding and working towards the dynamics of a healthy, long lasting, fulfilling relationship.

With the use of personality inventories, personal interviews, talk therapy, and psychoeducation, we can work together to foster a deeper, healthier, more knowledgeable relationship with a good chance of success.

With a little know how and a bit of work on your part, I can assist you in feeling more comfortable in saying “I do.”



104 Church Lane, Suite 105,
Baltimore, MD 21208

rabinowitzcounseling@verizon.net
(410) 736-8118

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