Couples Therapy

THE DATING AND HONEYMOON PHASE

When you were dating, you were on cloud 9.

This one was “The One!”

Your mate was perfect for you.

They were amazing, charming, and they understood you.

Anything was possible with them by your side. 

You wanted to spend every minute together.

It was exciting that there was someone so perfect in the world. How lucky you felt! Maybe you took your time or maybe it was a whirlwind romance.

Either way, you were excited about what life had to offer you.

Then you got married and life got real.

COMMUNICATION ISSUES STARTED

Fast forward to now.

You know you love each other, or at least you did.

Things are cloudy now.

The imperfections you once thought to be cute quirks are no longer cute.

They’re annoying.

You’re no longer best friends, but two people who live together and you are scared where your relationship is heading.  

There’s yelling, name calling, frustration, and you can’t hear each other over the noise. Or maybe, the noise has settled and now it’s so quiet the silence is deafening. 

Perhaps there’s trouble in the bedroom. Things don’t get steamy when you share the space with resentment and contempt.

You feel like you’re living parallel lives.

You’re in the same space but are so far apart it feels like the Grand Canyon is between you. You want your partner back. You want your marriage back.

What do you do?

When you’re dealing with issues such as stress, sex and intimacy issues, parenting, communication issues, or depression or anxiety in one or both partners, life can get out of control fast!

It’s so difficult to share a life with anyone.

It’s that much harder when you feel lost and at odds with your partner.

Nobody wants to feel unwelcome in their own home or alone in their own relationship. It can sneak up on you.

It starts slowly, with one or two little things.

Maybe your partner upsets you but you don’t say anything for fear of making waves. You’re keeping the peace at the sake of your own. Then one, or both of you, start keeping score.

You focus on the negative.

Even if you try to do things right it doesn’t feel like it counts.

It’s never good enough. 

You try to speak up but your partner doesn’t listen.

They just won’t change.

You think you’re communicating clearly.

All you know is you speak up and nothing happens. You try again until you find yourself yelling. They yell back.

No one is happy.

WHY can’t they just fix themselves?!

It hasn’t occurred to you that they can’t hear you. It feels like your partner is always yelling and criticizing. It feels like you can’t do anything right. Either there are arguments and angry communication or no connection at all.

Something has to change.

You can’t stay in a relationship where you can’t communicate and get your needs met.

It seems to seep in to every other part of life as well.

You can’t communicate about benign things and parenting, money,  and/or intimacy feel like a mountain you can’t climb. 

One of you is the warden and the other is the fun one.

Maybe you just feel undermined all of the time: you dole out a consequence only to find that the other parent isn’t following through.

Perhaps you’ve been told by your spouse that you aren’t the one following through or that you’re too strict. Either way, you’re not on the same page.

Your child is acting out because the boundaries aren’t clear, and because they can.

The entire family is miserable.

Meanwhile, it just becomes another fight between the two of you. You just want peace in the household but can’t quite get there.

All of this really takes its toll in the bedroom.

It’s hard to want to be intimate with someone you feel can’t understand you. Or it seems that they don’t want to.

How can they expect intimacy when you feel criticized all the time?

When you feel like you bear the burden alone, you’re definitely not going to want to share your body. At the same time, you have needs.

It’s heartbreaking and demeaning to have to beg for attention. One or both of you may be fearful of someone straying. You don’t know how to connect outside of the bedroom, much less in bed.

I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN

If you’ve read so many self-help books you feel like an expert yourself but things still aren’t clearing up it may be time to consider expert help. It doesn’t mean you haven’t done a good job, it just means you’re stuck and need some guidance.

You need more tools.

Often, when marriages are in trouble, it’s a legacy- one or both of you didn’t learn the appropriate ways from your family. You need to learn them somewhere.

It helps to have someone impartial, who isn’t too close to the situation, and can guide you toward closeness and connection.

My job is to offer practical solutions.

Couple’s counseling is more than talking through the problems or arguing.

It’s about solving the problem and learning new ways.

I offer new tools and ways of communicating that will ideally bring you closer and get everyone’s needs met.

I will help you feel safe and secure again or for the first time in your marriage.

You will feel more appreciated and cared for, like you remember from the beginning of your relationship.

I work with you to help you be the couple you’ve always wanted to be.

I would be neglectful if I didn’t add that some couples do decide that they no longer want to stay together. I am always on the side of the relationship but sometimes a couple comes to the reality that they aren’t a good match.

In this instance a counselor can help you grieve and make a plan. It is possible to separate amicably.

It is possible to move towards a new normal in a healthy way, even with children involved.

Counseling can help.

I’m happy and eager to help you connect and get back on track or amicably decide next steps if necessary. If we can get you some positive interactions, you can start to grow again as a couple.

Let me know how I can help.  You can call me at 410-736-8118 or email me at rabinowitzcounseling@verizon.net.

You can be happy again!

 



104 Church Lane, Suite 105,
Baltimore, MD 21208

rabinowitzcounseling@verizon.net
(410) 736-8118

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